お盆で思うこと: 最初の男の子が生きていれば38歳 / 33回忌を終えて海洋散骨へ


「お父さん! 海洋散骨しよう!」



Good evening fellow members.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Do you know the sea dispersal of ashes?
If you know it, please raise your hand.
How do you think about the sea dispersal of ashes?
Tonight I would like to talk about the sea dispersal of ashes on my first son.

I got married in 1977.
Since I liked a child, I wanted a baby as soon as possible.
However, it took about 2 years by the first pregnancy.

I was very happy hearing the good news from my wife.
I imagined the figure of my baby (that) moved actively in my wife's womb, and I was waiting eagerly for my baby's birth.

The estimated due date of delivery passed, but the labor pains didn’t come over to my wife.
My nervous wife became lack of sleep.
And then the weak labor pains started to my wife after delay of one week.
It was a difficult delivery.
We had waited eagerly for ten months and more.
But it was a stillbirth after all.

I buried my baby, my son in my hometown’s grave.
He was in this grave for 33 years.

Then, there was also a miscarriage, and we had only one daughter after all.
The only one daughter got married 4 years ago, and then her family name was changed.
And my daughter lives in Osaka now.
Therefore, we haven’t a child as an inheritor.
At the beginning, we felt lonely.
However, we regard this as the fate given to us now.
And we think (that) we will go positively anyhow.

One day, my wife said.
“I don’t want to make our daughter protect our grave.”

I’m also changing my view over a grave.

Since the first my son was stillbirth, he was in the dark grave for 33 years without seeing the light of this world at all.
We performed the 33rd anniversary of our son last year.

My wife said to me.
“Since the 33rd anniversary of our son was also finished,
I think (that) I want to make our son travel around the world from Tokyo Bay under a blue sky from now on.”

Last October, after the 33rd anniversary of our son, we performed the sea dispersal of ashes in Tokyo Bay before the Tokyo Gate Bridge was opened for traffic.
It was a wonderful blue sky on the day.
This photograph is Tokyo Gate Bridge before open.
We really felt refreshed and were able to make our son start traveling around the world.
Now, he should be traveling near Hawaii.
Maybe, he is swimming on the Waikiki beach.
I’m changing my view a little over "death", "returning to the ground", "grave", and "mass for the dead" by this sea dispersal of ashes.
And we dedicated my son's mortuary tablet to the “Gojyunotou” in Asakusa.

At the present trend toward the nuclear family, I think (that) there are also many couples who haven’t an inheritor like us.
And I start thinking (that) the place where a soul feels at ease is the sea held in the mother earth.

I would like to consider the sea dispersal of ashes more.

Toastmaster X-san.